Jessica Herring Wow, did you actually answer for once?
	Scout Herring Shut up, Jess and let me see my niece.
	Jessica Herring I would if I could but there's no way in hell that I'm waking her up from her nap. I know you have something to show me...
	Scout Herring
	Jessica Herring I avoided looking because I wanted to see it for the first time in person but since you aren't going to get out here until March, I realized I can't wait that long. Are you excited?
	Scout Herring Excited about what?
	Jessica Herring Getting married? Having a wedding? Wearing a ring on your finger that is probably worth as much as my house is?
	Scout Herring If you want to go there, it's probably worth double the value of your house...
	Jessica Herring Oh my god.
	Scout Herring I know.
	Jessica Herring You know that's disgusting, right?
	Scout Herring Yeah, but it sure is pretty.
	Jessica Herring We're all really happy for you. Even Ryan. He didn't like the idea of Des at first.
	Scout Herring Honestly wish I had screenshot your face just now. That was a new level of Des rage I've never seen before.
	Desmund Rowe I swear, I'm only going back to my flat for five minutes to dump all my things and then we're going. Actually, are you...
	Melanie Rowe Woooow. Did it really take you that long to notice?
	Desmund Rowe So you are at my flat. I thought I was making it up. Why are you there?
	Melanie Rowe Because I have a spare key and my flatmate's new boyfriend is a wanker.
	Desmund Rowe But not because I'll be home in a few days and you're checking to see that everything is in one piece there.
	Melanie Rowe Yes, mum. Everything is in tact. No broken appliances or burglaries.
	Desmund Rowe Is he really that much of a wanker?
	Melanie Rowe He pisses in the toilet, leaves the seat up, and doesn't flush. Ugh, I don't even want to talk about it. Tell me about New York!
	Desmund Rowe It's been lots of fun. Ione and Scout say hi, by the way. The three of us went to see Wicked the other night and it was so good.
	Melanie Rowe Yeah, I know. I saw on Oh No They Didn't.
	Desmund Rowe ...so you're telling me it's pointless to even have this conversation when you know all my business already.
	Melanie Rowe Not all of your business.
	Desmund Rowe Don't you raise your eyebrows like that.
	Melanie Rowe I'll raise my eyebrows at whatever I want, thanks. And honestly, Des, you should be lucky it's just that stupid who's-dating-who shite and not something worse. It's only reason I've been checking those sites like mad.
	Desmund Rowe Please. You would read all of those sites anyway.
	Melanie Rowe Maybe, maybe not. But still.
	Desmund Rowe I know, I know. You're right. It could be way worse. Scout was a bloody mess yesterday. I felt awful.
	Melanie Rowe Yeah, I read about that as well. How's she doing now?
	Desmund Rowe Oh, we played Monopoly and she cheated. That seemed to put her in a right mood.
	Melanie Rowe Does she know what a sore loser you are?
	Desmund Rowe I am not a sore loser.
	Melanie Rowe You so are.
	Desmund Rowe Being competitive doesn't mean I'm a sore loser.
	Melanie Rowe Uh huh. Hey, can I ask you something?
	Desmund Rowe Yeah, what's up?
	Melanie Rowe You don't have anything for me to be worried about, right?
	Desmund Rowe No, Mels. You don't have to worry.
	Melanie Rowe Are you just saying that? Like, I get if you don't want to tell me if you've taken pictures for some girl or something...
	Desmund Rowe I promise! Christ, do you know how far back someone would have to dig to find anything even remotely worthwhile? All they would find now is e-mails from Mum about how I should be on The Great British Bake Off and weird snippets of Harry Potter fanfiction that Ione sends me from the internet.
	Melanie Rowe WHAT! Like what?
	Desmund Rowe It's honestly so horrifying you wouldn't want to know. It's the stuff of nightmares.
	Melanie Rowe Does she have my e-mail address? Can you give it to her?
	Desmund Rowe Wait, what did you say? The screen just went all pixelated.
	Melanie Rowe Hahahahahaha. Des? Des, your face froze and it's... oh god, hahahahah, the funniest thing I've ever fucking seen... I'm screenshotting this and sending it to you!
	Desmund Rowe Mels? Hello? Can you hear me?
	Melanie Rowe Oh my god, I'm crying. There are actual tears coming down my face. You look like a constipated neanderthal!
	Desmund Rowe I can't hear anything you're saying. Oh, there it goes. Can you hear me now?
	Melanie Rowe Check your e-mail in like five seconds, please. That is going to be your new caller ID.
	Desmund Rowe Oh, it's still lagging. I have to go, anyway. You have all my flight information for Thursday, yeah?
	Melanie Rowe Let me just quickly check... yep, have it saved in my e-mail.
	Desmund Rowe Alright. I can't wait to see you.
	Melanie Rowe Me too. Love youuuuu! Mwah!
	Desmund Rowe Love you too. Have a good night, Mels.